New Age Evangelism?

I recently came across a group who are giving card-readings at new-age festivals to lead people to an “encounter” with Jesus. It didn't take long to see from their web-page that they are delivering another Jesus from the son of God in the bible. They have the backing of Bethel Church in Redding and their statement of faith is the same as Bethel's. However, they will not talk about sin or repentance. In fact, they pretty much try to disguise the fact that they are so-called Christians.

I suppose they get some of their thinking from Paul who said, “To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak, I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in the blessings.” 1 Corinthians 9:20-23

Did Paul use deception when he shared the gospel? Did Paul intend that we should become like the world and water down the gospel?

I remember when I was 21 years old and I got a job at a factory and wanted to witness to my co-workers. They asked me if I drank and I thought, “If I tell them I don't drink, they will think I'm an old fuddy-duddy, and the bible doesn't prohibit alcohol...” So I answered, “Yes, I drink sometimes.” They wanted me to prove it and so I drank to win them to Christ and overtime, I was backslidden! They ended up winning me over rather than I them. I didn't know that it was not up to me to win people to Christ; it is the work of the Holy Spirit and I don't have to defend or pretend.

The last chapter of the book of Acts gives a clear picture of Paul's passion to share the gospel and some of his methods. As a back-drop, Paul had been in police custody for two years in Caesarea and now was sent to Rome where he continued in police custody for at least another two years. Due to the fact that the charges against him were all cooked up by the Pharisee's, the Romans gave him much freedom and he was allowed to “stay by himself, with the soldier who guarded him.” (Acts 28:16).

Paul, upon arriving in Rome immediately called together the local leaders of the Jews to state his case before them. They came to his home in “great numbers” and “from morning till evening he expounded to them, testifying to the kingdom of God and trying TO CONVINCE them about Jesus both from the Law of Moses and from the Prophets.” (Acts 28:23-24). Paul tried with all his heart to convince them and he was not disguising; hiding or being deceptive.

Some were convinced but I imagine that most of them were not. Keep in mind that those Jews were NOT Christians! Many in our day and age try to say that the Pharisees were Christians who were hypocrites. That is false. They hated Jesus and wanted nothing to do with him, just like many in our world today. When Paul met with them, it was the same as meeting anyone in our time who is not saved. A comparison might be trying to evangelize someone who grew up in the bible-belt and went to church as a child and assume they are Christian because, “This is a Christian country isn't it?”

When Paul saw that they were not receiving his words, he said something many Christians today would say was RUDE. Paul said and I imagine in a lot of passion and anger on behalf of Jesus, “Your hearts are dull and your ears can barely hear, and you have closed your eyes to the truth! I'm done with you! I'm going to the Gentiles for they will listen!”

When Paul said those words, they walked out on him. So be it!

I imagine in our culture today, if someone tried to share the gospel with a New-Ager and they then walked out or stomped away, the average Christian might think he had done something wrong. “Oh, no, I wasn't loving enough! I didn't identify enough with them!”

Once again, we can't convince anyone, it is the Holy Spirit's job but we are to proclaim nevertheless, to one and all – everyone who has ears to hear and wants to listen. Sadly, I think we are coming close to the time where hearts are so hardened that few want to hear. I always think of the verse in Revelation, chapter 16 where God is pouring His wrath out upon the earth and vs. 9 says, “They were scorched by the fierce heat, and they cursed the name of God who had power over these plagues. They did not repent and give Him the glory.” Again in vs. 10 & 11 after another plague it says, “People gnawed their tongues in anguish and cursed the God of heaven for their pain and sores. They did not repent of their deeds.”

Modern Christianity seems to think that people don't hear or repent because they are wounded. “All they need is a touch from God and they will want to be saved.” That is just not true. It's a matter of who do you want to be god – yourself or Yahweh?

John 15:18-19 says, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”

They hate Jesus' exclusivity. They want many roads to lead to God. They want to have a God in their own making. They want a world that is full of robots with no pain. They don't want Jesus to be God because they want to be or become a God. They don't want a Master, they want to do what feels good at the moment. They don't want to give up their pride. They enjoy unbelief. For these reason's and more – they HATE GOD. Even atheists who say they don't believe in Him, reek with anger towards God.

If you love God, please share the gospel but share the whole glorious story, that we are sinners in need of a Saviour. That the whole world has sinned and that every purpose in our heart is bent towards evil and selfishness. That God loves us so much that He decided to take the punishment that we rightly deserve for our sins. He died, He bled for us but He rose again and conquered death and opened the doors to heaven! It is good, glorious news!

Expect to be hated and persecuted but also expect joy when you walk in obedience to your calling. (Evangelism is the call of Christ to His bride). Expect that you will know no greater joy than when someone hears the truth and repents. Expect to be sad and disappointed when they reject Jesus but don't stop! There are jewels waiting to be found.

Saying Good-bye to Europe

Fourteen years ago on a sweet, spring day in April, I landed in London and traveled to Oxford with my daughter BreAnna so that we could start work at a retreat house. It was the first stop on a journey of following the Lord to reach  the lost in Europe. After a year in Oxford, we drove to Berlin where we started a ministry called, "To The Streets" and did many years of street evangelism. 

Now, I am leaving and returning to my home-land which is bitter-sweet. The other day I walked through Alexander Platz and got a little choked up as I recalled the years of evangelism and wondered if I would ever return. Then I thought that I would write a blog and share some of the Highlights and some of the Hard times.

Upon our arrival in Berlin, (which was also in April) the Lord supernaturally arranged a meeting with a young man named Arnold Pust who was preaching the gospel every Friday night (mostly alone) at Potsdammer Platz. We joined his ministry and learned so much from Arnold. Our small team passed out hundreds of tracs and took turns proclaiming the gospel. We met Nari from Albania (who joined not long after we arrived). He had one leg, one arm and one eye but he never let his handicap stop him. He preached with us faithfully every Friday night and always drew a crowd. He was a great inspiration to me. We met Chuck & Della Magnet who faithfully came every Friday night with their four children in tow. Chuck went on to help start and lead the Burn 24-7 in Berlin which we also actively took part in. And we met another missionary, Rachel who was from our home state of Washington! She ended up moving in with Bre and I and we became life-long friends. 

One hot summer night, after sharing the gospel at Potsdammer Platz, Rachel, Bre and I jumped on our bikes for the ride home. It had been sweltering hot that day and we had summer dresses on. As we peddled along, rain drops started to fall which quickly turned into buckets of rain along with lightning and thunder. BreAnna suddenly started singing opera at the top of her lungs! She said, "I always wanted to sing opera in the rain!" Who could resist? Rachel and I joined in, singing silly opera and laughing the whole way home. That section of Berlin we always rode through is beautiful at night with the street lights shinning down on white statues and how I loved gazing at the Berlin Cathedral which was especially magnificent at night. It is a Berlin memory I will never forget.

                                        Some of our Potsdammer Platz crew from left to right:

                                                  BreAnna, Chuck, Arnold, Nari, Rachel and Viola

We also met Jeff Serio on those Friday nights at the Platz with Arnold. It was as if the Lord caused a perfect storm to converge with three American families ascending into Berlin at roughly the same time and each starting our own ministries. Jeff was like a father to BreAnna and I and took us under his wing. Once he started European Initiative, he began bringing teams from all over the United States to Berlin and our little cafe in Friedrichshain. Countless teams accompanied us to Boxhagener Park where we shared the love of Jesus to the drug-addicts and alcoholics who made the park their home. Jeff and Barb remain close friends to this day and we can't thank the Lord enough for sending them to Europe! 

Meeting BreAnna's future husband and evangelist partner was a highlight. Thilo brought worship to our ministry and became one of our biggest cheer-leaders as we struggled on to reach the lost. I will never forget some of our wonderful worship nights in der Garten, our cafe. We sang with local Muslim children who came in; we worshiped with Christians all over Berlin and we welcomed the lost hoping that the music would draw them to Jesus. 

                                                        Worship in der Garten (our cafe).

When the people who lived on the street where our cafe was located, had a festival to celebrate their years of Squatting, we decided to join the celebration. We moved all the furniture in our cafe out to the street (which was closed to traffic for the event) and we worshipped from morning to night, for two days, with different worshippers. I'll never forget when two men came walking to us from the festival and sat down to listen to our music. They had stunned looks on their faces and then came to me and said, "We see light here. We never felt anything like this! There is darkness down there (as they pointed down the street) and we feel as if we walked from darkness into light." And that was Berlin, a city of such deep darkness that the contrast of Jesus was often palplable. 

Traveling though Europe for two years in our tiny motor home was a highlight. Not even thinking or planning which month to go out on the road - it was another APRIL when we left Berlin to travel around Europe. I feel a deep stirring in my soul when I think of all the little churches we ministered to, full of people with hungry hearts. We made friends all over Europe, people that truly became family. Luke 18:29 was a promise that became reality to us: "Jesus said, I assure you that everyone who has given up house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the Kingdom of God, will be repaid many times over in this life, and will have eternal life in the world to come."

In Denmark we literally ran out of money. We went to a grocery store and spent the last we had on some milk and bread and when we came out of the store a clerk was hauling fresh fruits and vegetable out to carts for anyone to take because they were past the sale date. We had never seen anything like it, nor since! We loaded up with potatoes, broccoli, squash and apples! It was a Kings feast! And at the end of that month of not knowing where our next dime would come from a church gave us 1000 euros! We had not made our need known and that church was very small and no one was rich. It was our miracle from the Lord which humbled us and increased our faith exponentially. 

And lastly our prophetic post-card ministry will always be a highlight to me. BreAnna pretty much came up with the idea which was to ask the Lord what we should put on each card and then paint a picture or scene to go along with the words. An example would be: "I AM the river of Life and no man who comes to Me will ever thirst again." We might paint a picture of water pouring down out of heaven and then write the words on top of the picture. We would then lay about 10 postcards face down on a table, each card different and hang a sign to draw people to the table such as, "Free Post-cards with a word from Jesus for you!" It was so successful - the drawing of people to our table - and the open doors that the cards created to share the gospel. God revealed Himself to so many that we went on with this ministry for many years. I praise the Lord for His amazing initiatives and creativity to share the gospel.

                                            Prophetic postcard table in Denmark where it all began

Loneliness was one of the hardest battles I faced on the mission field. Sometimes darkness would overwhelm me and I would wonder what I was doing in Berlin and who did I think I was and I often felt so alone. It was hard being 50-something among a demographic of 20-30 year olds. But always and ever I pressed in to the Lord and He always encouraged and carried me when I couldn't walk. Later I would learn that when I was completely alone - He was most able to work through me and use me! When I was weak and alone, He somehow brought amazing evangelistic opportunities to me. What a great God! He uses everything in our lives to teach us.

Being misunderstood or even criticised by other Christians for doing street evangelism was hard. No one likes to evangelise. It is hard, but we believed (and believe) the biblical mandate is to be straight-forward and just share the gospel. We were seed-planters and planting is often hard as there is no visible reward (or glory) but it took awhile to realise that we deserve no glory and should not seek for glory - as that desire was hidden deeply in our flesh. Now, through His training we are happy for Jesus to receive ALL the Glory and to give that to Him who deserves it.

The death of my son in Berlin was the hardest struggle of all. He lost his battle with drugs and died from  an accidental over-dose. The "What - if's" were the hardest. What if I had never gone to the mission field; what if I had done this or that differently? Yet, the years in Berlin were honestly the best and closest that Bre, Gabe and I ever had together. Oh, the wonderful adventures that we had! The beautiful songs Gabe & Bre wrote together and the deep, intimate sharing of our lives together was the best gift of all. Those Berlin days, together, will always remain in my heart.

So, now on to the next journey which is now similar to the last and remarkably, it will be another April! When BreAnna and I drove in our little car from England to Berlin we had no idea where we would live or what kind of ministry we would embark upon. And now as I sell all my furniture and pack up boxes to ship to my next stop which is North Carolina, I once again have no idea what kind of ministry I will have, what I will do in the long term and where I will live.

I don't know what the future holds but I do know WHO HOLDS THE FUTURE!  And He says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

God's Sovereignty over Evil

A horrible murder was committed last year in the city of Berlin, where I live. A young, Christian girl was on a walk and spending time with her Lord when she was accosted by a stranger who attempted to rape her and then murdered her. Of course news of this sort is hard to deal with. Young Christian girls wonder if the same could happen to them. We may believe that simply being a Christian will protect us from evil acts. Our world view is rattled and we all feel a sense of discomfort when bad things happen to Christians. When things like a young person dying of cancer or a husband cheating on his wife and leaving her for another woman happens, many of us start to walk in fear wondering how we can prevent something bad happening to us.

We live in a fallen world and evil is part of the reality that results from man having free will. I believe that even though evil is alive and well on planet earth, God is still fully in control of all events happening on earth. God is not wringing His hands wondering what to do about evil. Nor is He choosing people to receive evil. God is in control and on one can go over His head or do anything that He isn't aware of and ultimately in charge of.

Isaiah 14:24; 26-27 has this to say about the sovereignty of God, “The Lord Almighty has sworn, 'Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand. This is the plan determined for the whole world; this is the hand stretched out over all nations. For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart Him? His hand is stretched out and who can turn it back?”

Granted, these verses are talking about a specific prophetic word that God would destroy the Assyrians but they also express who God is and that no man can thwart or upset His plans. In the same way that He planned certain events to happen on earth He also has plans for His sons and daughters. Once we enter into a covenant relationship with Him, nothing that the enemy throws at us can thwart His plans and purposes for our lives. That doesn't mean that we are safe from evil. It does mean that if evil comes, He is aware and He has permitted it to come to us.

The stoning of Stephen in the book of Acts is a good example. Jesus could have prevented the stoning but He did not. It didn't happen because Stephen didn't have enough faith or was backslidden. The bible says that Stephen was a man full of God's grace and power – Acts 6:8. He was so full of the Holy Spirit that, “None of them could stand against the wisdom and the Spirit with which Stephen spoke,” Acts 6:10.

The Jewish leaders were so enraged at Stephen that they physically drug his body out of the Temple; dragged him out of the city and stoned him. Many of us are so well aware of this story (and its good ending) that we don't take time to think what it must have felt like to be stoned to death. Stoning is still legal in many countries and is meant to be a slow and torturous death. I imagine hateful words being flung at Stephen and evil eyes glaring as the rocks were thrown. Was God sleeping? Did evil have more power than God? Of course not.

Just before they drug him out of the Temple and stoned him, the Lord opened up heaven for Stephen. He was shown the glory of God and he was allowed to see Jesus standing in the place of honor at God's right hand. (Acts 7:55-56). I have heard it said that the Lord Jesus stood up from his throne to applaud Stephen! What a beautiful idea.

I believe that when the first stone was flung at Stephen, Jesus was with him, holding him and shielding him. Before Stephen died he prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” I believe that Stephen was looking right into the eyes of Jesus and that Jesus indeed received his spirit and brought him into his reward.

It is so glorious that we are given this story in the New Testament. I believe that we cannot doubt that this is the way that the Lord is with any saint who is persecuted or has an evil act done to them. The Lord is “near to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18.

I firmly believe that He was with the young girl who was murdered in Berlin, in the same way that He was with Stephen. I learned that in the court hearing, it was brought out that she had written in her diary about “Open Heavens.” The court wanted to know what that meant. Of course we will not know until we find out in eternity but I firmly believe the Lord was preparing her to face evil and that He fought through her (amazing the rape was unsuccessful) and that He shielded her from pain and carried her to her home in heaven. A good friend of mine happened to randomly meet this girl the day before her murder. They bumped into each other on the street and my friend suddenly had a prophetic word, which she told to the young girl. She said, "You will see dead people resurrected." The very next day, she was in heaven, indeed seeing resurrected people!

We cannot presume to understand all that God permits. We should not dictate what God should allow but simply trust in His complete control and love. Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that in ALL THINGS (even evil) God WORKS FOR THE GOOD of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” There is no guarantee given in the New Testament for protection from evil but there is a guarantee that He will love us; be with us and carry us through this life to heaven. Romans 8:35 goes on to say, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall TROUBLE (we will have many troubles in this life); or HARDSHIP or PERSECUTION (saints down through the ages have been burned at the stake; raped; robbed and tortured) or FAMINE or NAKEDNESS or DANGER or SWORD? As it is written; 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in ALL THESE THINGS (what things? The Evil that happens to us because we live in a fallen world) we are MORE THAN CONQUERERS through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE OF GOD that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35-39.

The great good that came out of Stephen's stoning was Paul's conversion! The book of Acts says that after they killed Stephen, they laid their clothes at the feet of a young man named Saul. It also records that Saul was there at the scene, giving approval to his death, Acts 7:58b; 8:1. I believe that it was Stephen's death that planted the seed for Saul's conversion. I can't prove it but I believe that every time innocent blood falls to the ground, life springs up.

After his conversion, Saul's name was changed to Paul and one day he wrote a letter to his young friend Timothy and said, “Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst,” 1 Timothy 1:15. He goes on to say in vs.16, so brilliantly, “But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.” Hallelujah! What a God we serve! God used the evil of Stephen's stoning to show the rest of humanity that He is a God who forgives even the vilest of sins, such as murder.

The book of Job is such a perfect story of God's control and sovereignty. Job says to God at the end of all his suffering and loss, “I know that You can do anything, and no one can stop you. Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore, I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes,” Job 42:1;3b; 5-6.

The Lord's tangible, protecting love comes when we need it. We don't always need a felt sense of His love and presence because we “LIVE BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT,” 2 Corinthians 5:7. However, when we need a felt sense of His power, love or protection against physical pain – He is there.

I love to read autobiographies of saints because they tell those stories. I think of Corrie Ten Boom suffering in a concentration camp and her famous quote, “There is no pit that is so deep that God's love is not deeper still.” And Amy Carmichael, missionary to India, was bed-ridden for the last 30 years of her life. If she had not been bed-ridden she may not have written the stories and poems that have given strength to thousands.

And this quote by John Bunyan who suffered years in prison for his faith, “Therefore, I bind these lies and slanderous accusations to my person as an ornament; it belongs to my Christian profession to be vilified, slandered, reproached and reviled, and since all this is nothing but that, as God and my conscience testify, I rejoice in being reproached for Christ's sake."

“Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin.” I Peter 4:1

In his book “One Hundred Prison Meditations,” Richard Wurmbrand, who spent 14 years in prison as a Romanian pastor, wrote, “I have accepted this proposal. Christians are meant to have the same vocation as their King, that of cross-bearers. It is this conscience of a high calling and of partnership with Jesus which brings gladness in tribulations, which makes Christians enter prisons for their faith with the joy of a bridegroom entering the bridal room.”

Let us not be afraid. Jesus said, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” Oh how tenderly, I can hear Jesus saying, “Little flock.” He is directing our eyes heavenward. Look up! We should set our sights on “things above, not on earthly things,” Colossians 3:2. Jesus is preparing a wonderful place for us to live eternally. He will wipe away every tear from our eyes and there will be ever lasting joy! Sorrow and sighing will flee away!

Our God is not out of control. He is in charge. Each one of our days has been written in His book and He knows the perfect time to take us to His eternal home. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand,” Psalm 139:16-17.

SHOW US YOUR GLORY!

“Then Moses, Aaron, Nadab, Abihu and the seventy elders of Israel climbed up the mountain. There they saw the God of Israel. Under His feet there seemed to be a surface of brilliant blue lapis lazuli, as clear as the sky itself. And though these nobles of Israel gazed upon God, He did not destroy them. In fact, they ate a covenant meal, eating and drinking in His presence!” Exodus 23: 9-11

Every time I read those verses, I am overcome. God, coming down from heaven to man and revealing His glory and power. “Lord, I want to see you,” and I don't believe He is hiding. Soon, the whole earth will SEE Him, when He returns. “Look! He comes with the clouds of heaven. And everyone will see Him - even those who pierced him. And all the nations of the world will mourn for Him. Yes! Amen.” Revelation 1:7

Isaiah saw Him in the temple. “It was in the year King Uzziah died that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the temple.” Isaiah 6:1

Paul saw him on the road to Damascus. “As he was approaching Damascus on this mission, a light from heaven suddenly shone down around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, 'Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me?'

'Who are you Lord?' Saul asked.

And the voice replied, 'I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting!” Acts 9:3-5

“Then Barnabas brought him to the Apostles and told them how Saul had seen the Lord on the way to Damascus...” Acts 9:27

Yahweh is revealing Himself to many all over the world. Muslims are seeing Jesus in dreams and converting to Christianity in record numbers.

I myself saw Him when I was in Jerusalem. I was in a church service worshipping when I saw Him. I saw brilliant blue stone water surrounding him and I saw His eyes. They were blue and shinning with joy and confidence. With one look into His eyes, I saw that He was not worried about anything. He was not fretting about the affairs of the world or what various nations were threatening. At that time, I was worried about money – the lack of it but when I saw His eyes, I knew I could laugh at tomorrow because He was so unconcerned about any attack from the enemy.

After the 70 elders of Israel, along with Moses, Aaron and his sons, had the encounter with Yahweh, Moses was called to go further up and further in to the Lord's presence. The rest were to remain and wait for Moses to return. Moses was on the mountain forty days and forty nights.

Jesus too was led away from people and into the wilderness for forty days and forty nights. Is there a correlation here? Did Jesus go to the same spot where Moses saw the Lord?

When we enter into the presence of the Lord, satan will often throw his fiercest, fiery arrows at us. Satan knew who Jesus was and he threw everything he could at Jesus in order to thwart him from His mission of becoming our sacrificial Lamb.

When Moses came down from the mountain, it appeared that all was lost! The people, after just agreeing to serve the Lord and Him only and to make no graven images – had not only forsaken the Lord but made a graven image.

We are in a battle with satan till the day we die and go home to heaven. If he knows that he can't make us turn away from Jesus, he will then make our lives as miserable as possible on this earth because he hates Jesus and he hates us.

I'm so glad the Lord told us the end of the story! Satan will be bound. He will be thrown into a pit and although he now has freedom on this earth to operate, he is still conquered. There is no contest.

Let us press on to see the Lord and walk in His glory. Moses said to God in Exodus 33:15-18, “If you don't personally go with us don't make us leave this place. How will anyone know that you look favorably on me – on me and on your people – if you don't go with us: For your presence among us sets your people apart from all other people on the earth.”

“Then the Lord responded, “I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you and I know you by name.”

Moses responded, “Then show me your glorious presence.”

Seek His glorious presence each day. Spend time with Him in a quiet place. He is our Lord, counselor, teacher and Captain. He wants you to see Him as He is.

Moses was a troubled, insecure man.

Throughout the 80's the United States, was engulfed in promoting and understanding self-esteem. I rode that wave along with everyone else. I read books, learned to love myself and used self-love techniques in my lay-counselling ministry. Much of what I learned was good and I still use some of the information today, yet I now believe that overall, I had the wrong focus.

If you look deeply and use your imagination, you can see that Moses was a man plagued with self-esteem issues. Most everyone knows that Moses was put in a basket on the water to save his life from the Egyptian edict that all male babies were to be killed by the mid-wives. An Egyptian princess found Moses and returned him to his mother to be nursed just until he was weaned. Then he was abruptly taken away from the mother who loved and nursed him to the court of Pharaoh where he was most likely loved by his adopted mother but also likely to have been raised by servants. Can you imagine the confusion that must have gone through his little heart? The bewilderment? I imagine that later in life, Moses may have been taunted by cousins or half brothers and sisters when it was learned that he wasn't really Egyptian but a despised Jew. He also may have harbored guilt feelings that he led a life of privilege while his natural family were slaves. What torment there may have been in his young heart?  

Then, when he came of age, he was desperate to go visit his natural family and was shocked at the harshness of the Egyptians towards his own people. Possibly as a way to show the Jews he was one of them, he killed an Egyptian slave-driver. His heart may have been trying to say, “I'm one of you! I feel for your pain!” Yet, the tides turned on him. Now Pharaoh hated him and the Jews hated him. Rather than taking kindly to that act the Jews said, “Are you going to kill us like you killed that Egyptian?” He had no choice but to flee away from the nightmare that was his life. Moses also apparently had a stuttering or talking problem (Exodus 4:10) which is often associated with trauma or low self-esteem. He must have had huge identity issues, “Am I the son of a King or the son of peasant shepherds?”

    

He found temporary relief in the wilderness. A sweet father-in-law, a wife to love and even a job to do – tending sheep. Then after a time, Moses met God in the burning bush and when he saw God he “covered his face because he was afraid to look at God.” (Exodus 3:6b).

Then the Lord answered the disappointment that I believe had been burning in Moses's heart. “What kind of God would allow His first-born to become slaves? Doesn't He care about the harsh treatment they are living under?"

The Lord said to Moses, “I have certainly seen the oppression of my people in Egypt,” and “Yes, I am aware of their suffering.” Exodus 3:7

Isn't that a question we all ask? “Are you aware of me God? Don't you notice my suffering? Don't you care?”

With one look at God and with one word from God, Moses saw His love, concern and eternal goodness. Moses walked closer to God than almost any other man in the bible. He saw God.

When God told him, “Now go, for I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt,” Moses protested and said, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” Moses had already felt defeated by life. He had no more identity in Egypt because he was hated by the Jews and Pharaoh alike. He was a man who had no idea who he was. And how does the Lord respond to that question?

“I WILL BE WITH YOU. And you will worship Me with the Israelites on this mountain.” Period. That is all the response that God gave to Moses' insecurity.

God did not take time to build up Moses's self-esteem. He did not say, “You are an amazing man! You know I had you raised in the court of Pharaoh so you could learn things that your Hebrew family doesn't even know. You are handsome and of value!” No. God said in essence, “Look at Me. I'm all you need. I am your security, I am your identity because I AM WITH YOU.”

I was really struck by that.  It is also something that John Piper has spent a life-time teaching.

He had this to say about self-esteem: “I’m not on a mission to help you feel good about yourselves. I am on a mission to help you feel so good about the greatness of God that you forget about yourselves and live a life of love, making others glad in God. I’m going to say that again because in our twenty-first-century mold and time on the back-end of the crest of the wave of self-esteem, it needs to still be said. I am not here to make you feel good about yourself. That’s a low salvation. That’s a low-level, American gospel message. I am here to make you so happy in God — to help you feel so good about the glory, majesty, beauty, justice, love, truth, and power of God — so that in all that, you forget about yourself. Some of you have heard me say, “Nobody goes to the Grand Canyon to increase his self-esteem.” Because on the edge of the Grand Canyon, as you feel your soul being drawn out into this vast opening, that’s not what happens. What happens is wonder and awe, which is what you were made for. Heaven will not be a hall of mirrors in which you like what you see. In fact, I just have this suspicion there won’t be any mirrors in heaven because anything good and beautiful about you will be radiated back to you from the other people that you’re loving so much it just bounces back to you. But mainly it’s going to be about Jesus everywhere satisfying your soul.”    John Piper

I was touched and lifted by the Lord's response to Moses question of, "Who am I?" I want to spend more of my time gazing at the great I AM.  I know I spend way too much time looking at myself. Jonathan David Helser has a great song that I believe can minister to everyone, I've Seen I Am.  "I've seen I AM, now I know that I am loved.  I've seen I Am, now I know who I am."  Brilliant!  That says it all.

Abraham's Greatest Sacrifice

"Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.” 

                                                                                CS Lewis

              

“Some time later, God tested Abraham's faith. 'Abraham'! God called.

'Yes,' He replied. 'Here I am.'

'Take your son, your only son.....'

I have to believe that God spoke to Abraham in an audible voice because I can't even begin to imagine that he could obey that command based only upon an inner voice. If the voice was not audible, how could he move forward without doubt and wondering if it was his own thoughts or satan masquerading as God? I may be wrong and I have no idea how the Lord spoke to Abraham but however it was, it must have been unmistakeable.

I imagine Abraham asking, “Do you mean Isaac?” since he had two sons.

“Yes, Isaac whom you love so much. Go to the land of Moriah. Go and sacrifice him as a burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will show you.” Genesis 22:1-3

THE NEXT MORNING Abraham got up and traveled to Moriah to sacrifice his son.

As I read those verses again, which are always hard to read, I was struck by the fact that Abraham obeyed that command immediately. If the Lord had asked me to sacrifice one of my kids, even if He spoke audibly, it would have taken me weeks, no months to bring myself to obedience – and if at all.

I remember when the Lord called me to forsake everything I owned in the United States and move to the mission field. He hadn't yet told me when to go, He had just planted within me the desire to go and told me to “Wait.” As I waited, I would look around my living room, which I loved and had decorated precisely to my taste. I would look at a beloved piece of furniture or an object that had personal meaning and think, “Can I really give that up?” I would struggle with my emotions until I could say, “Yes, Lord, I'll give that up.” It took about a year for my heart to say, “Lord, I give it all to you, all my possessions, my home, my friends and my life in the United States,” A year!

As I pondered Abraham's heart response further I decided, “Lord, I couldn't do it. I just could not kill and sacrifice one of my children to you!”

His voice lovingly responded to me and He said, “Child, you already did!” He took me back, many years ago to a church service in Portland, Oregon. At that time, my son was hooked on drugs and had recently left a treatment center. He came to church with a friend and suddenly left the service, taking (stealing) the friends car to go buy drugs. The friend was worried and we both wondered if my son would even return with the car. My heart pounded in pain. I was so weary of praying for him. I loved him so much but I saw over and over again that he rejected the Lord and chose his own sin. Suddenly in that church service, the Lord challenged my heart, “If Gabe never surrender's his life to Me and he ends up in hell, will you still love and trust Me?”

Ouch. That hurt. I had believed from the first time that Gabe took his first puff of marijuana that my mother's prayers would rescue him and bring salvation to his soul. I also believed (and still believe) in the value and truth that the Lord gave our souls the freedom to accept or reject Him. He will never force someone's free will and in the end, it was Gabe who had to decide if he wanted to bow his stubborn will to God.

I cried. I thought of my dear son in hell. I pondered if that would affect my faith or not and I struggled. I couldn't even begin to imagine heaven without my son. In the end, after much struggle, (I don't think I even heard the sermon) I said to the Lord, “If my son truly rejects you and if he wants no part of You and if You have to cast him into hell because of his own decision, I will still choose to love You.”

It felt like the hardest prayer I had ever prayed in my life. I don't recall feeling peace but I did feel freedom. I also felt the Father's smile and embrace. From that time on, even though I continued to pray for my son, I was not so desperate as if his very salvation hung on my prayers. I had settled the deal with my Lord and that's what the Father reminded me of when I had told him that I couldn't give up my children to Him. I had already done so.

I realised that the Lord asks the same question from every parent, “Are you willing to live an eternity with Me in heaven apart from your children? Will you love Me more than these?”

My son finally surrendered his life to the Lord a couple of years later at his second stint in a Teen Challenge center in Spokane, Washington. He never completely conquered his addiction to drugs and alcohol, even though he would go long periods without drugs. Yet, my daughter and I saw the fruit of the Holy Spirit in his life. He became a lover of men. He was humble and broken and He found the joy of the Lord. We saw him change from a selfish man to one who gave and one who freely told others about Jesus sacrifice on the cross. Yet, in his weakness and insecurity he eventually died from an overdose, on another one of his relapses.

Once again, I said, “Yes,” to the Lord when He took my son. I don't know why my son was never completely delivered from drugs and alcohol when there are so many testimonies of people being freed instantly. Yet, I do believe that he was saved and washed in the blood of the Lamb.

The words to an old hymn come to mind, “Is your all on the altar of sacrifice laid? Your heart does the Spirit control? You can only be blest, and have peace and sweet rest, as you yield Him your body and soul.”

God's kingdom is definitely an upside down kingdom. It feels as if we will die if we sacrifice our kids – yet we will live! If seems as though only an evil God would ask us to give even our children – yet He is the only true love in the universe. To live – we must die. In death, we find life. In sacrifice, we find Jesus, the greatest gift of all.

What would Jesus have to say about the Sutherland Springs Massacre?

I was just as horrified and saddened as everyone else when I heard of the Sutherland Springs Massacre. I cried when I saw the Pastor's tears and heard some of the stories. My heart aches for the church and the whole community.

This morning when I was having my time with Jesus, I read something in the book of Luke that made me sit up. I've read the book of Luke so many times but hadn't ever really paid attention to those particular verses until today. They prompted me to write this blog, something I haven't done in a long time.

The verses are from Luke 13 starting with verse one, “About this time, Jesus was informed that Pilate murdered some people from Galilee as they were offering sacrifices at the temple.” Luke 13:1

“Hey Jesus! What do you think about that? Tell us your opinion!”

I can only imagine how stirred up the people were and asking themselves many questions. They must have concluded that the worshipers were murdered because they were sinners because they asked Jesus, “Do you think those Galileans were worse sinners than all the other people from Galilee?”

Jesus answered, “Is that why they suffered? Not at all!”

We all want to know the whys. Knowing the reason for things makes us feel safe, more insular. Maybe if they were horrible sinners and we are good, the same fate won't happen to us. Murder, any kind of murder makes no sense. It rocks our world and gives rise to feelings of fear. Suddenly shadows swirl around our little corner of the world, threatening an unknown force of evil.

Jesus says something very startling. I think if someone said this today, especially right at the time of a tragedy, people would be horrified. I am even thinking that by my writing His words in a blog I will be accused of being insensitive. Jesus did not start weeping. He didn't even sympathize with the crowd. He simply said, “And you will perish too unless you repent of your sins and turn to God. And what about the eighteen people who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them? Were they the worst sinners in Jerusalem? No, and I tell you again, that unless you repent, you will perish too.”

Jesus took them to an event that was accidental – the tower in Siloam falling. He wanted them to see that death can occur at any time, by an accident, natural causes or by evil people. Death has nothing to do with how good or bad we are. His perspective was,“You will die someday. Quit trying to figure out the whys and the wherefores but look to your own soul. You could die any minute. Are you ready? How is your soul?”

Assuming that Luke's gospel was in chronological order, which I think it was because Luke was a doctor and you can tell by the way he wrote the book that he was very serious about getting details just right. So in chapter twelve, just before thirteen, Jesus talks about death. I wonder if He already knew about Pilate and the murders. (He was God in human flesh and knew everything, even events that hadn't yet happened).Was Jesus trying to prepare them beforehand? Luke records that thousands were milling around Jesus and Jesus said to that crowd, “Dear friends, don't be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot do anymore to you after that. But I'll tell you whom to fear. Fear God who has the power to kill you and then throw you into hell. Yes, He's the one to fear.” Luke 12:4-5

Jesus came to earth to save our souls. Period. He didn't come to make life on earth a paradise. His one mission was to die to take our punishment, so that we could live with Him eternally. He made every effort to speak truth to the crowds. It is truly wonderful and amazing that we have His recorded words still preserved 2000 years later! I get very bothered when I sense that Christians have lost sight of heaven. Heaven is what its all about We will all die and then we will live eternally, either in heaven or hell.

Gun control is not the answer. Making stricter laws might help but there will still be evil people doing evil things. Evil will be with us until Jesus returns to earth and sets up His kingdom. Nothing we do will eradicate evil because satan is alive and well, along with his demons and humans who follow him.

Lets be like Jesus and keep our minds focused on eternity. Eternity is what matters. The wonderful thing about the murder of the people in Sutherland is that they all appear to have been true born-again children of God and so they are all in heaven. They were simply translated, in the blink of an eye into heaven! They were mostly likely greeted by relatives and friends who had gone on before. Jesus hugged them and welcomed them into His Kingdom. It must be hard for residents in heaven to know how much they are missed on earth. That is the hard part for all of us. We all at, one time or another, feel the ache of someone missing from our lives because they have passed from this earth. That is the consequence of love. Grief only shows that we have loved and so there is nothing sinful or wrong with a heart that aches for a loved one who has been translated from this earth to heaven.

Don't fear Isis. Don't fear natural disasters. Don't fear crazed gunman. Fear God.