Saying Good-bye to Europe

Fourteen years ago on a sweet, spring day in April, I landed in London and traveled to Oxford with my daughter BreAnna so that we could start work at a retreat house. It was the first stop on a journey of following the Lord to reach  the lost in Europe. After a year in Oxford, we drove to Berlin where we started a ministry called, "To The Streets" and did many years of street evangelism. 

Now, I am leaving and returning to my home-land which is bitter-sweet. The other day I walked through Alexander Platz and got a little choked up as I recalled the years of evangelism and wondered if I would ever return. Then I thought that I would write a blog and share some of the Highlights and some of the Hard times.

Upon our arrival in Berlin, (which was also in April) the Lord supernaturally arranged a meeting with a young man named Arnold Pust who was preaching the gospel every Friday night (mostly alone) at Potsdammer Platz. We joined his ministry and learned so much from Arnold. Our small team passed out hundreds of tracs and took turns proclaiming the gospel. We met Nari from Albania (who joined not long after we arrived). He had one leg, one arm and one eye but he never let his handicap stop him. He preached with us faithfully every Friday night and always drew a crowd. He was a great inspiration to me. We met Chuck & Della Magnet who faithfully came every Friday night with their four children in tow. Chuck went on to help start and lead the Burn 24-7 in Berlin which we also actively took part in. And we met another missionary, Rachel who was from our home state of Washington! She ended up moving in with Bre and I and we became life-long friends. 

One hot summer night, after sharing the gospel at Potsdammer Platz, Rachel, Bre and I jumped on our bikes for the ride home. It had been sweltering hot that day and we had summer dresses on. As we peddled along, rain drops started to fall which quickly turned into buckets of rain along with lightning and thunder. BreAnna suddenly started singing opera at the top of her lungs! She said, "I always wanted to sing opera in the rain!" Who could resist? Rachel and I joined in, singing silly opera and laughing the whole way home. That section of Berlin we always rode through is beautiful at night with the street lights shinning down on white statues and how I loved gazing at the Berlin Cathedral which was especially magnificent at night. It is a Berlin memory I will never forget.

                                        Some of our Potsdammer Platz crew from left to right:

                                                  BreAnna, Chuck, Arnold, Nari, Rachel and Viola

We also met Jeff Serio on those Friday nights at the Platz with Arnold. It was as if the Lord caused a perfect storm to converge with three American families ascending into Berlin at roughly the same time and each starting our own ministries. Jeff was like a father to BreAnna and I and took us under his wing. Once he started European Initiative, he began bringing teams from all over the United States to Berlin and our little cafe in Friedrichshain. Countless teams accompanied us to Boxhagener Park where we shared the love of Jesus to the drug-addicts and alcoholics who made the park their home. Jeff and Barb remain close friends to this day and we can't thank the Lord enough for sending them to Europe! 

Meeting BreAnna's future husband and evangelist partner was a highlight. Thilo brought worship to our ministry and became one of our biggest cheer-leaders as we struggled on to reach the lost. I will never forget some of our wonderful worship nights in der Garten, our cafe. We sang with local Muslim children who came in; we worshiped with Christians all over Berlin and we welcomed the lost hoping that the music would draw them to Jesus. 

                                                        Worship in der Garten (our cafe).

When the people who lived on the street where our cafe was located, had a festival to celebrate their years of Squatting, we decided to join the celebration. We moved all the furniture in our cafe out to the street (which was closed to traffic for the event) and we worshipped from morning to night, for two days, with different worshippers. I'll never forget when two men came walking to us from the festival and sat down to listen to our music. They had stunned looks on their faces and then came to me and said, "We see light here. We never felt anything like this! There is darkness down there (as they pointed down the street) and we feel as if we walked from darkness into light." And that was Berlin, a city of such deep darkness that the contrast of Jesus was often palplable. 

Traveling though Europe for two years in our tiny motor home was a highlight. Not even thinking or planning which month to go out on the road - it was another APRIL when we left Berlin to travel around Europe. I feel a deep stirring in my soul when I think of all the little churches we ministered to, full of people with hungry hearts. We made friends all over Europe, people that truly became family. Luke 18:29 was a promise that became reality to us: "Jesus said, I assure you that everyone who has given up house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the Kingdom of God, will be repaid many times over in this life, and will have eternal life in the world to come."

In Denmark we literally ran out of money. We went to a grocery store and spent the last we had on some milk and bread and when we came out of the store a clerk was hauling fresh fruits and vegetable out to carts for anyone to take because they were past the sale date. We had never seen anything like it, nor since! We loaded up with potatoes, broccoli, squash and apples! It was a Kings feast! And at the end of that month of not knowing where our next dime would come from a church gave us 1000 euros! We had not made our need known and that church was very small and no one was rich. It was our miracle from the Lord which humbled us and increased our faith exponentially. 

And lastly our prophetic post-card ministry will always be a highlight to me. BreAnna pretty much came up with the idea which was to ask the Lord what we should put on each card and then paint a picture or scene to go along with the words. An example would be: "I AM the river of Life and no man who comes to Me will ever thirst again." We might paint a picture of water pouring down out of heaven and then write the words on top of the picture. We would then lay about 10 postcards face down on a table, each card different and hang a sign to draw people to the table such as, "Free Post-cards with a word from Jesus for you!" It was so successful - the drawing of people to our table - and the open doors that the cards created to share the gospel. God revealed Himself to so many that we went on with this ministry for many years. I praise the Lord for His amazing initiatives and creativity to share the gospel.

                                            Prophetic postcard table in Denmark where it all began

Loneliness was one of the hardest battles I faced on the mission field. Sometimes darkness would overwhelm me and I would wonder what I was doing in Berlin and who did I think I was and I often felt so alone. It was hard being 50-something among a demographic of 20-30 year olds. But always and ever I pressed in to the Lord and He always encouraged and carried me when I couldn't walk. Later I would learn that when I was completely alone - He was most able to work through me and use me! When I was weak and alone, He somehow brought amazing evangelistic opportunities to me. What a great God! He uses everything in our lives to teach us.

Being misunderstood or even criticised by other Christians for doing street evangelism was hard. No one likes to evangelise. It is hard, but we believed (and believe) the biblical mandate is to be straight-forward and just share the gospel. We were seed-planters and planting is often hard as there is no visible reward (or glory) but it took awhile to realise that we deserve no glory and should not seek for glory - as that desire was hidden deeply in our flesh. Now, through His training we are happy for Jesus to receive ALL the Glory and to give that to Him who deserves it.

The death of my son in Berlin was the hardest struggle of all. He lost his battle with drugs and died from  an accidental over-dose. The "What - if's" were the hardest. What if I had never gone to the mission field; what if I had done this or that differently? Yet, the years in Berlin were honestly the best and closest that Bre, Gabe and I ever had together. Oh, the wonderful adventures that we had! The beautiful songs Gabe & Bre wrote together and the deep, intimate sharing of our lives together was the best gift of all. Those Berlin days, together, will always remain in my heart.

So, now on to the next journey which is now similar to the last and remarkably, it will be another April! When BreAnna and I drove in our little car from England to Berlin we had no idea where we would live or what kind of ministry we would embark upon. And now as I sell all my furniture and pack up boxes to ship to my next stop which is North Carolina, I once again have no idea what kind of ministry I will have, what I will do in the long term and where I will live.

I don't know what the future holds but I do know WHO HOLDS THE FUTURE!  And He says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

God's Sovereignty over Evil

A horrible murder was committed last year in the city of Berlin, where I live. A young, Christian girl was on a walk and spending time with her Lord when she was accosted by a stranger who attempted to rape her and then murdered her. Of course news of this sort is hard to deal with. Young Christian girls wonder if the same could happen to them. We may believe that simply being a Christian will protect us from evil acts. Our world view is rattled and we all feel a sense of discomfort when bad things happen to Christians. When things like a young person dying of cancer or a husband cheating on his wife and leaving her for another woman happens, many of us start to walk in fear wondering how we can prevent something bad happening to us.

We live in a fallen world and evil is part of the reality that results from man having free will. I believe that even though evil is alive and well on planet earth, God is still fully in control of all events happening on earth. God is not wringing His hands wondering what to do about evil. Nor is He choosing people to receive evil. God is in control and on one can go over His head or do anything that He isn't aware of and ultimately in charge of.

Isaiah 14:24; 26-27 has this to say about the sovereignty of God, “The Lord Almighty has sworn, 'Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand. This is the plan determined for the whole world; this is the hand stretched out over all nations. For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart Him? His hand is stretched out and who can turn it back?”

Granted, these verses are talking about a specific prophetic word that God would destroy the Assyrians but they also express who God is and that no man can thwart or upset His plans. In the same way that He planned certain events to happen on earth He also has plans for His sons and daughters. Once we enter into a covenant relationship with Him, nothing that the enemy throws at us can thwart His plans and purposes for our lives. That doesn't mean that we are safe from evil. It does mean that if evil comes, He is aware and He has permitted it to come to us.

The stoning of Stephen in the book of Acts is a good example. Jesus could have prevented the stoning but He did not. It didn't happen because Stephen didn't have enough faith or was backslidden. The bible says that Stephen was a man full of God's grace and power – Acts 6:8. He was so full of the Holy Spirit that, “None of them could stand against the wisdom and the Spirit with which Stephen spoke,” Acts 6:10.

The Jewish leaders were so enraged at Stephen that they physically drug his body out of the Temple; dragged him out of the city and stoned him. Many of us are so well aware of this story (and its good ending) that we don't take time to think what it must have felt like to be stoned to death. Stoning is still legal in many countries and is meant to be a slow and torturous death. I imagine hateful words being flung at Stephen and evil eyes glaring as the rocks were thrown. Was God sleeping? Did evil have more power than God? Of course not.

Just before they drug him out of the Temple and stoned him, the Lord opened up heaven for Stephen. He was shown the glory of God and he was allowed to see Jesus standing in the place of honor at God's right hand. (Acts 7:55-56). I have heard it said that the Lord Jesus stood up from his throne to applaud Stephen! What a beautiful idea.

I believe that when the first stone was flung at Stephen, Jesus was with him, holding him and shielding him. Before Stephen died he prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” I believe that Stephen was looking right into the eyes of Jesus and that Jesus indeed received his spirit and brought him into his reward.

It is so glorious that we are given this story in the New Testament. I believe that we cannot doubt that this is the way that the Lord is with any saint who is persecuted or has an evil act done to them. The Lord is “near to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18.

I firmly believe that He was with the young girl who was murdered in Berlin, in the same way that He was with Stephen. I learned that in the court hearing, it was brought out that she had written in her diary about “Open Heavens.” The court wanted to know what that meant. Of course we will not know until we find out in eternity but I firmly believe the Lord was preparing her to face evil and that He fought through her (amazing the rape was unsuccessful) and that He shielded her from pain and carried her to her home in heaven. A good friend of mine happened to randomly meet this girl the day before her murder. They bumped into each other on the street and my friend suddenly had a prophetic word, which she told to the young girl. She said, "You will see dead people resurrected." The very next day, she was in heaven, indeed seeing resurrected people!

We cannot presume to understand all that God permits. We should not dictate what God should allow but simply trust in His complete control and love. Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that in ALL THINGS (even evil) God WORKS FOR THE GOOD of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” There is no guarantee given in the New Testament for protection from evil but there is a guarantee that He will love us; be with us and carry us through this life to heaven. Romans 8:35 goes on to say, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall TROUBLE (we will have many troubles in this life); or HARDSHIP or PERSECUTION (saints down through the ages have been burned at the stake; raped; robbed and tortured) or FAMINE or NAKEDNESS or DANGER or SWORD? As it is written; 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in ALL THESE THINGS (what things? The Evil that happens to us because we live in a fallen world) we are MORE THAN CONQUERERS through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE OF GOD that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35-39.

The great good that came out of Stephen's stoning was Paul's conversion! The book of Acts says that after they killed Stephen, they laid their clothes at the feet of a young man named Saul. It also records that Saul was there at the scene, giving approval to his death, Acts 7:58b; 8:1. I believe that it was Stephen's death that planted the seed for Saul's conversion. I can't prove it but I believe that every time innocent blood falls to the ground, life springs up.

After his conversion, Saul's name was changed to Paul and one day he wrote a letter to his young friend Timothy and said, “Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst,” 1 Timothy 1:15. He goes on to say in vs.16, so brilliantly, “But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.” Hallelujah! What a God we serve! God used the evil of Stephen's stoning to show the rest of humanity that He is a God who forgives even the vilest of sins, such as murder.

The book of Job is such a perfect story of God's control and sovereignty. Job says to God at the end of all his suffering and loss, “I know that You can do anything, and no one can stop you. Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore, I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes,” Job 42:1;3b; 5-6.

The Lord's tangible, protecting love comes when we need it. We don't always need a felt sense of His love and presence because we “LIVE BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT,” 2 Corinthians 5:7. However, when we need a felt sense of His power, love or protection against physical pain – He is there.

I love to read autobiographies of saints because they tell those stories. I think of Corrie Ten Boom suffering in a concentration camp and her famous quote, “There is no pit that is so deep that God's love is not deeper still.” And Amy Carmichael, missionary to India, was bed-ridden for the last 30 years of her life. If she had not been bed-ridden she may not have written the stories and poems that have given strength to thousands.

And this quote by John Bunyan who suffered years in prison for his faith, “Therefore, I bind these lies and slanderous accusations to my person as an ornament; it belongs to my Christian profession to be vilified, slandered, reproached and reviled, and since all this is nothing but that, as God and my conscience testify, I rejoice in being reproached for Christ's sake."

“Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin.” I Peter 4:1

In his book “One Hundred Prison Meditations,” Richard Wurmbrand, who spent 14 years in prison as a Romanian pastor, wrote, “I have accepted this proposal. Christians are meant to have the same vocation as their King, that of cross-bearers. It is this conscience of a high calling and of partnership with Jesus which brings gladness in tribulations, which makes Christians enter prisons for their faith with the joy of a bridegroom entering the bridal room.”

Let us not be afraid. Jesus said, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” Oh how tenderly, I can hear Jesus saying, “Little flock.” He is directing our eyes heavenward. Look up! We should set our sights on “things above, not on earthly things,” Colossians 3:2. Jesus is preparing a wonderful place for us to live eternally. He will wipe away every tear from our eyes and there will be ever lasting joy! Sorrow and sighing will flee away!

Our God is not out of control. He is in charge. Each one of our days has been written in His book and He knows the perfect time to take us to His eternal home. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand,” Psalm 139:16-17.

Should evil father's be respected and other thoughts spurred from reading a book on children of Nazi regime.

I just finished reading a fascinating book entitled, My Father's Keeper by Stephan Lebert. The author's father was a journalist and in 1959 he  interviewed sons and daughter's of high-level Nazis - right hand men of Hitler and published those interviews as a series in a German magazine. Those interviews took place 15 years after the end of WWII.  His son (author of the book I read) did not read those interviews until after his father's death in 1993. When he found and read the old manuscript, he came up with the idea to interview the same children, now in the late season of their lives.  Remarkably, he was able to find and interview six of the same people his father had interviewed, and so came about his book, “My Father's Keeper.”

I found the book fascinating on so many levels. First, I was shocked to learn that out of the six interviews, only two of the adult children believe that what their father's did was wrong (almost all of them engineering mass-murder) and four of them believe in the same principles their father's held and are proud of who their father's were.  Call me naive or idealistic, but I just assumed that with all the truth that came out about the death camps, the hatred and torture, that anyone, even the sons and daughters of the mass murderers would surely see the evil that was so willfully done. The book opened my eyes to the startling, horrifying truth that the evil Nazi's of that time, merely went underground. How many of them successfully passed their evil ideas to their children and grandchildren? It makes me shudder to think of it.

Niklas Frank's father was general governor of Poland during Hitler's regime and responsible for “cleansing” Poland and creating means for mass murder. It was nothing for his father to inform Hitler that on any given day he had exterminated 150,000 Jews.  Niklas was the youngest of five children when his father was hung for his war crimes and only about 5 or 6 years old. As an adult, he became a journalist and wrote a series of articles about his father and his hatred for him. The articles were graphic, spewing out his hatred.  What shocked me was that the general public thought the idea of expressing hate towards ones father, even a war-criminal was wrong. Letters poured into the editor of the newspaper, that Niklas should at least respect his dad. Respect? Respect? What was there to respect? I was (and am) appalled. Partly because I still see this same line of thinking today, in 2015. I've seen children born to criminal drug-addicts and the mother will say, “My son needs to know his father and spend time with him, after all he IS the father.” So what! I believe a father needs to earn respect and if he is evil or selfish, let the child find a role-model who he can look up to. It baffles me, the way people think. The book states that Niklas had to almost go into hiding due to the reaction of people. They should have been applauding him! “Wow! Amazing that you can see the truth about your father.”

The other thing that fascinated me in the book was the idea that after the war, a whole country basically went into denial. They almost had to do this for survival sake. Imagine, asking your neighbor, “What did you do before the war?”

“Well, I was a leading Nazi.”

No one was going to admit to this, so the “don't ask – don't tell” unspoken code came into effect. It would have been embarrassing to find out and to admit as well. “Let's all pretend, we were against Hitler's socialism, let's all pretend we knew nothing about the Jews.” It was most likely the only way to survive. But what are the results of massive denial? What are the results of not being able to dialogue about politics gone wrong or your despair at loosing a war? The book quotes a psychologist who says that repression brings about anxiety and an unwillingness to change.

I arrived in Berlin the first time in 2000 when my daughter was reaching out to teen-agers in the former communistic east and it was a distressing city. There were dour faces everywhere; a feeling of darkness; gray buildings; and a general lack of color. People even wore dark clothing, from the oldest to the youngest. The silence was acute on public transportation. I returned to Berlin to live in 2008 and although color had appeared: many of the gray buildings were now painted light colors and gone was a lot of the black clothing but the sadness remained, even to this time in 2015. There is more lightness on the trains and people speak more but if you are a newcomer to the city, you still notice that people don't talk much and you can see a marked contrast from other cities.  I see sadness and anxiety on faces and there is still a sense of deep suspicion and mistrust. I've had it happen, several times, that if someone accidentally drops something and you pick it up for them, they look at you as if you are crazy and how dare you help. On the converse, if you accidentally drop something yourself, there is a hesitation to help. A whole crowd of people can ignore you and walk by, leaving you feeling very alone in a cold world.  I believe the unwillingness to help stems from major distrust.

It is all so sad. First Nazism and then Communism and more repression. Countless east Germans loved communism and were sad when the Berlin wall fell down. If they admit that, they are accused of being crazy and if they wanted the wall to come down, they are looked upon as traitors. Many embraced atheism and today they are going after Hinduism and New Age religions but the ones who come to the truth and accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior, are set free. I have seen joy come into their hearts and peace to their anxiety. It has been a long, slow and hard process. Many missionaries have laboured for 20 years and more in Berlin without seeing hardly any converts. Yet, none of their labor has been in vain. After so many years of repression, the healing will not happen over night but I do see change and I see it coming more and more.