The Preacher that Failed

We were invited to preach on the streets with a very accomplished street preacher. I was excited. I felt that the Lord had given me a good little sermon and it would be the first time for me to get back out on the street since my son had gone home to Jesus. I had even prepared a small prop. We gathered in the square and I boldly volunteered to go first. BreAnna was my translator. Somewhere near the beginning of my sermon, everything went wrong. I had a hard time expressing a truth that I thought the Holy Spirit had given me. Then for some unexplainable reason, BreAnna started laughing while she was translating. I felt she was laughing at me. I was embarrassed and it was hard to recoup – for both of us. Someone was filming me and when I saw the video, I was holding my prop (which was a picture) upside down and I only had one earring on! I looked like a crazy person.

No one stopped to listen to me during my sermon and afterwards there was silence. I hung my head in shame and embarrassment. I felt like a complete failure and even more so after BreAnna and our friend preached......two very well-spoken people. They were brilliant and my friend couldn't stop complimenting Bre on her sermon. I felt as though I were sinking down into the mud. I tried to self-talk myself out of it. “Why are you focusing on yourself? You should be happy that the gospel was preached so amazingly by your daughter.” But no matter what I tried to tell myself and no matter how much I tried to pray, I couldn't seem to pull myself out of my funk.

I wondered if I had missed my calling and who was I to think that I could be a street-preacher? I cried that night in bed out of mortification and deep insecurity. I thought I might feel better the next day but I couldn't worship and couldn't hear anything from Jesus. The only thing I could hear was, “Call Charlotte” (not her real name). I called her and she immediately invited me to her house to spend the night. What a friend! We talked and watched a movie together and then I went to bed and cried some more.

The next morning my Father spoke to me. I was reading Acts 18 which says, “Meanwhile, a Jew named Apollos, an eloquent speaker who knew the scriptures well had arrived in Ephesus. He taught with an enthusiastic spirit and with accuracy. He refuted the Jews with powerful arguments in public debate. (Vs. 24-28).

When I read that I started feeling sorry for Paul. Here Apollos gets so much praise and Paul gets stoned and thrown out of cities. Then I remembered that Paul was not known as a good speaker.

“For some say, 'Paul's letters are demanding and forceful but in person he is weak and his speeches are worthless!” II Corinthians 10:19 That's what they were saying about the Apostle Paul! Wonderful, gifted Paul could not speak well.....just like me. I sat in bed with my coffee by my side, shaking my head, “Only you Lord could bring scripture to me that fits my feelings so accurately.”

In that same section of scripture Paul went on to say, “If you want to boast, then boast about the Lord. When people commend themselves it doesn't count for much. The important thing is for the LORD TO COMMEND THEM.” (Vs. 17-18).

The Lord spoke into my spirit, “Kim, I commend you. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you because I love you.”

Paul also said, “I may be unskilled as a speaker but I'm not lacking in knowledge.” II Corinthians 11:6. Paul was able to admit his weaknesses but he also knew what he knew: that Jesus Christ is Lord and he saved his soul. It's all about Jesus, not us.

Then Jesus spoke to me from II Corinthians 12:8, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” And again from Paul, “That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (vs. 10).

One of Paul's weaknesses was made PUBLIC – 'He can't speak well”.

Down through time Paul is now one of the most revered Apostles. He is exemplified, quoted and preached about. I find that so amazing against the back-drop that he was known as demanding, forceful and weak. Once again, I saw that I cannot measure my worth by the world's eyes but only by what my Father thinks of me. The Holy Spirit eased the sadness off my shoulders. I could relate to Paul and I saw with clarity that we can't all be good speakers or singers or writers or whatever but we can all know Jesus Christ and Him crucified.

Jesus also revealed that satan was attacking me. He was attacking my dreams and visions that are deep in my bosom to preach the gospel to the nations.

At that time period I was having the most wonderful times of morning worship and satan was angry about that as well. So, he brought a full onslaught attack of my person, gifts and callings. Oh how I thank the Lord for HIS VOICE that brought me out of my sadness and insecurity. What a Father we serve!

The next time I got up to preach, it was hard but I knew that deep down, my bosom was screaming, “If no one will tell them, how will they know?” So I preached from my heart and decided that it did not matter if I was eloquent or not. I knew I was sincere, that my motives were pure and I felt Jesus applauding from His throne.

'Call Me Dad'

Over time and without realizing it, I began to view God in a distorted fashion. I think it intensified after reading the account of Moses where, to my mind, God seemed utterly powerful and somewhat distant to man. I started envisioning him as a sort of Wizard of Oz with fire, anger and bellowing. I saw him as a bright force but not as a person.

The other day, while on my morning walk, I said, “Good morning, God” - envisioning Him as a huge furnace of fire; then, “Good morning Jesus” - seeing Him with all his love and laughter; and lastly, “Good morning Holy Spirit” - seeing Him as my guide and counselor.

Suddenly and unmistakably God said to me, “Call me Dad.”

I almost froze in my steps. He said, “From now on, don't call me 'God', call me 'Dad'. I am your loving Daddy.”

Tears filled my eyes when I realized how wrong I had been viewing my wonderful Dad. I was overwhelmed at the feelings of love that were vibrating all around me that I almost could not breathe. I realized, in a matter of seconds that I had still been looking to my earthly dad to meet my needs and take care of me (even though he is no longer able to do so) and that the picture of my heavenly Dad had been wrong.

In the last couple of years it seems like it has become popular for Christians to call God 'Daddy' or 'Papa'. I too joined in the chorus but it never felt right and always seemed a little fake to me. I have had times of inner-healing in my life where the Lord revealed his Father-hood to me and healed inner wounds but when He said, “Call me Dad” something inside permanently shifted. I realized that 'Dad” is the word I used to call my earthly father and that the Lord was saying clearly to me, “I want you to view me as your Dad, your own true Dad”.

After that morning we had a time of worship in Christiania and during worship He revealed himself to me in a vivid picture in my mind's eye. He was not a huge furnace of fire but He was a man who was laughing, stomping and dancing. I saw him in a place like a jungle and there was a lion next to him. He was roaring and laughing over our praise. I then saw some zebras and other wild animals next to Him but His strength and superiority over them was unmistakable. He was so strong and mighty but much more real and personal than a furnace of fire. I knew that He wanted to show me who He was and destroy the crazy image I had built up in my mind. Once again, I was overwhelmed and tears came to my eyes.

Now I not only see Jesus as Savior, my beautiful one, my joy and delight; nor do I only see the Holy Spirit as my guide, counselor, friend and comforter but now I have a correct 3-fold picture of the three-in-One. Mighty, everlasting 'God' is my Dad. He is a Dad who is strong and can stand among wild animals and roar; a Dad whose laughter shakes the earth; a Dad who loves his daughter and wants to care for her every need; and a dad who gives her gifts and surprises. He is a person with incredibly strong arms who longs to take care of me.

I don't know why it took so long for me to get this revelation of God. Perhaps it is because I am so aware of my earthly dad's frailty and that his time on earth is short. Perhaps it took years and years to see correct manifestations of Jesus and the Holy Spirit that I was finally ready for a more accurate image of the Father. I don't know all the reason's but I am so thankful that the God of all the universe saw me, spoke to me and revealed His great love for me. Now when I sing songs that have the word 'God' in them, I can't sing them that way. I have to replace 'God' with 'Dad' and I think everyone should do that, using the name of Father that is most comfortable. It helped to change everything for me. With every passing year, He wants us to know and love Him deeper.   

IN THAT DAY

I have always loved the verses in the Old Testament – especially in Isaiah that start with, 'In that day....'. I believe 'in that day' refers to the time when Jesus will return to earth to rule and reign. I made a list of some of the exciting things that will happen 'in that day' and I believe it is coming soon.  It will be glorious.

1. Jerusalem will be known as the 'Throne of the Lord'. All nations will go to Jerusalem and honor King Jesus. Jeremiah 3:17
2. Jews will return to Israel from all the places where they were scattered. Jeremiah 3:18
3. Jesus will be the God of all the families of Israel. Jeremiah 31:1
4. Jesus will be beautiful and glorious; the fruit of the land will be the pride and glory of all who survive in Israel. Isaiah 4:2
5. Lambs will find good pasture and fattened sheep and young goats will feed among the ruins. Isaiah 5:17
6. The Israeli survivor's will faithfully TRUST the Lord. Isaiah 10:20
7. The yoke of slavery and bondage will be broken. Isaiah 10:27
8. The wolf and lamb will lie down together; the leopard will lie down with the baby goats. The calf and the yearling will be safe with the lion and a child will lead them. Isaiah 11:6
9. Jesus will be a banner of salvation to all the world. The nations will rally to Him and Jerusalem will be glorious! Isaiah 11:10
10. The Lord will bring home his scattered people. Isaiah 11:11
11. We the redeemed will sing and shout praises. We will drink deeply from the fountain of salvation. Isaiah 12:1-5
12. The Lord will give His people rest from sorrow; fear; slavery; and chains. Isaiah 14:3
13. The Egyptians will be as weak as women. Isaiah 19:16
14. Five Egyptian cities will follow Yeshua and begin to speak Hebrew. Isaiah 19:18
15. There will be an altar to the Lord in Egypt and a monument to Yeshua at its border. Isaiah 19:19
16. Egypt and Assyria (Syria) will be connected by a highway and both countries will worship the Lord. Isaiah 19:23
17. The demons and proud rulers on earth will be punished and thrown into prison. Isaiah 24:21-22
18. The glory of the moon will wane and the brightness of the sun will fade. Isaiah 24:23
19. The Lord of Heaven's Armies will rule on Mount Zion. He will rule in great glory in Jerusalem in the sight of all the leaders of His people. Isaiah 24:23b
20. Everyone in the land of Judah will sing this song: Our city is strong! We are surrounded by the walls of God's salvation. Open the gates to all who are righteous; allow the faithful to enter. Isaiah 26:1-2
21. The Lord will take His terrible, swift sword and punish Leviathan, the swiftly moving serpent, the coiling, writhing serpent. God will kill the dragon of the sea. Isaiah 27:1
22. The great trumpet will sound and exiles will return to Jerusalem. Isaiah 27:13
23. The deaf will hear and the blind will see. Isaiah 29:18
24. Streams of water will flow from every mountain and stream. Isaiah 30:25
25. Ungodly fools will NOT be heroes; scoundrels will NOT be respected. Isaiah 32:5
26. Jesus will be our salvation and give wisdom and knowledge. Isaiah 33:6
27. No weapon formed against us will prosper. Isaiah 54:17
28. There will be no more need of sun or moon for Jehovah will the the Light! Isaiah 60:19
29. No one will be hurt or destroyed on His holy mountain. Isaiah 65:25
30. Jerusalem will become an immovable rock. Zechariah 12:3
31. War horses will panic but the Jews will find strength in the Lord. Judah will be like a fire that burns up all her enemies and Jerusalem will remain secure. Zechariah 12:4-6
32. The Lord will defend the people of Jerusalem and the weakest person will be as mighty as King David! All nations that come against Jerusalem will be destroyed. Zechariah 12:8-9
33. Sources of light will no longer shine, yet there will be continuous day. Zechariah 13:16
34. Life-giving waters will flow out from Jerusalem, half toward the Dead Sea and half toward the Mediterranean and the water will flow continuously. Zechariah 13:8
35. There will be ONE LORD and His name alone will be worshipped. Zechariah 13:9

SING A NEW SONG

A new song is sung all the time

At every moment and second it chimes

Hosanna!  Hosanna! the waves ring

A mighty cheer to Jesus they bring

Never a dull moment in heaven above

Like worker bees His children blaze with love

Creating, enjoying, exploring and doing His work

All to His glory; all to His praise

Loud songs of triumph they raise

Preparing for the time that He will ascend

Back down to earth to reign supreme

From Jerusalem He will be the whole world's KING

Thousands will hold His train when He comes down

All will serve Him making a joyful sound

"Family" - He calls us, "Dear brothers, sisters and kids

You are in Me and I in you."

Hasten the day!

Prepare your hearts

The King is coming and He'll never depart

God wants to be close to us.

In Numbers 28 the Lord requires of the Israelites a daily offering of two 1-year old lambs, (one in the morning and one in the evening) along with two quarts of flour mixed with 1 quart of pure olive oil, 1 quart of wine which had to be poured out with each lamb.

The Lord also required monthly sacrifices which were: two young bulls; 1 ram; seven 1-year old male lambs; 18 quarts of flour; 12 quarts of wine (dispersed with each animal) and 1 male goat.

As I was reading this, I was reminded of a book I read a couple of years ago called, The Devil's Cauldron.  It is the true story of a man who was heavily involved in witchcraft and whenever he did incantations or needed power, the demons would call for dark rum.  Sometimes he sprayed rum on the walls or spilled it out on the floor and threw a burning match on it but rum was always involved when great power was needed.

Maybe, demons were speaking to me as I was reading Numbers 28 but I said, "Lord all those sacrifices and the spilled out wine and oil sounds just like witchcraft!  I understand the animals and that there needed to be blood to atone for sin but I don't understand the flour and wine."

Right now, as I am writing this, I am realizing that it is not the Lord's ways that sound like witchcraft.....it is witchcraft copying and mocking what the Father had in mind from the very beginning.  But I digress....back to my story.

More often than not, when I ask the Lord an honest question from my heart, He ANSWERS and He came to me once again with His heart.  He told me that all of His motivation is dealing with humans is RELATIONSHIP.  He called for the blood sacrifices (as I knew) to atone for sin but He wanted to meet with His people, the Israelites every morning and evening.  He wanted them to acknowledge and come to Him.   Food was precious to the Israelites and as they gave it back to Him, He promised to pour back on them in abundance.

The offerings symbolized a MEAL and God the Father of the universe sat and ate with them!  He was (and is) always yearning for relationship.  It was as if He was saying, "In the morning come and eat with me and in the evening, come and eat with me."  Most people have meat, starch and wine with their meal and the sacrifices were the symbols of a meal.  First the blood is spilled to bring us into right relationship with God and then we can sit down with Him and have fellowship.

"Come now, and let us reason together," says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool." Isaiah 1:18 Amazing that our God, the God who created the heavens and the earth invites us to "reason" with Him.

Following those exciting thoughts, the Holy Spirit brought to my mind what New Testament offerings are:
"We have an altar from which the priests in the Tabernacle have no right to eat. Under the old system, the high priest brought the blood of animals into the Holy Place as a sacrifice for sin, and the bodies of the animals were burned outside the camp. So also Jesus suffered and died outside the city gates to make His people holy by means of His own blood. So let us go out to Him, outside the camp and bear the disgrace He bore. For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come, Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a CONTINUAL sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to His name. And don't forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God."               Hebrews 13: 10-16

Jehovah wants a CONTINUAL sacrifice of praise, not just morning and evening. Right now, I have a whole lot of fear about money (my lack of it) and I have been finding it hard to praise Him. Yet in reading the verses from Hebrews, I can see how my sacrifice of praise literally proclaims my allegiance to Jesus even in dark times, even when everything is not going my way and doesn't that bring Him even more glory?

So, He still wants or requires sacrifice today and just as in the Old Testament, it is still all about relationship. My fear keeps me from praising Him but when I praise Him despite my fear, I am drawn into His presence, right where He wants me to be. He wants me. He desires my heart. He wants me to be near to Him. Our God has such big arms and all He wants is to enfold us in them.