"Nothing
that you have not given away will ever be really yours. Nothing in
you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for
yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness,
despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find
Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”
CS Lewis
“Some time later, God
tested Abraham's faith. 'Abraham'! God called.
'Yes,' He replied. 'Here
I am.'
'Take your son, your only
son.....'
I have to believe that God
spoke to Abraham in an audible voice because I can't even begin to
imagine that he could obey that command based only upon an inner
voice. If the voice was not audible, how could he move forward
without doubt and wondering if it was his own thoughts or satan
masquerading as God? I may be wrong and I have no idea how the Lord
spoke to Abraham but however it was, it must have been unmistakeable.
I imagine Abraham asking,
“Do you mean Isaac?” since he had two sons.
“Yes, Isaac whom you
love so much. Go to the land of Moriah. Go and sacrifice him as a
burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will show you.”
Genesis 22:1-3
THE NEXT MORNING Abraham
got up and traveled to Moriah to sacrifice his son.
As I read those verses
again, which are always hard to read, I was struck by the fact that
Abraham obeyed that command immediately. If the Lord had asked me to
sacrifice one of my kids, even if He spoke audibly, it would have
taken me weeks, no months to bring myself to obedience – and if at
all.
I remember when the Lord
called me to forsake everything I owned in the United States and move
to the mission field. He hadn't yet told me when to go, He had just
planted within me the desire to go and told me to “Wait.” As I
waited, I would look around my living room, which I loved and had
decorated precisely to my taste. I would look at a beloved piece of
furniture or an object that had personal meaning and think, “Can I
really give that up?” I would struggle with my emotions until I
could say, “Yes, Lord, I'll give that up.” It took about a year
for my heart to say, “Lord, I give it all to you, all my
possessions, my home, my friends and my life in the United States,”
A year!
As I pondered Abraham's
heart response further I decided, “Lord, I couldn't do it. I just
could not kill and sacrifice one of my children to you!”
His voice lovingly
responded to me and He said, “Child, you already did!” He took
me back, many years ago to a church service in Portland, Oregon. At
that time, my son was hooked on drugs and had recently left a
treatment center. He came to church with a friend and suddenly left
the service, taking (stealing) the friends car to go buy drugs. The
friend was worried and we both wondered if my son would even return
with the car. My heart pounded in pain. I was so weary of praying
for him. I loved him so much but I saw over and over again that he
rejected the Lord and chose his own sin. Suddenly in that church
service, the Lord challenged my heart, “If Gabe never surrender's
his life to Me and he ends up in hell, will you still love and trust
Me?”
Ouch. That hurt. I had
believed from the first time that Gabe took his first puff of
marijuana that my mother's prayers would rescue him and bring
salvation to his soul. I also believed (and still believe) in the
value and truth that the Lord gave our souls the freedom to accept or
reject Him. He will never force someone's free will and in the end,
it was Gabe who had to decide if he wanted to bow his stubborn will
to God.
I cried. I thought of my
dear son in hell. I pondered if that would affect my faith or not
and I struggled. I couldn't even begin to imagine heaven without my
son. In the end, after much struggle, (I don't think I even heard the
sermon) I said to the Lord, “If my son truly rejects you and if he
wants no part of You and if You have to cast him into hell because of
his own decision, I will still choose to love You.”
It felt like the hardest
prayer I had ever prayed in my life. I don't recall feeling peace but
I did feel freedom. I also felt the Father's smile and embrace.
From that time on, even though I continued to pray for my son, I was
not so desperate as if his very salvation hung on my prayers. I had
settled the deal with my Lord and that's what the Father reminded me
of when I had told him that I couldn't give up my children to Him. I
had already done so.
I realised that the Lord
asks the same question from every parent, “Are you willing to live
an eternity with Me in heaven apart from your children? Will you
love Me more than these?”
My son finally surrendered
his life to the Lord a couple of years later at his second stint in a
Teen Challenge center in Spokane, Washington. He never completely
conquered his addiction to drugs and alcohol, even though he would go
long periods without drugs. Yet, my daughter and I saw the fruit of
the Holy Spirit in his life. He became a lover of men. He was
humble and broken and He found the joy of the Lord. We saw him
change from a selfish man to one who gave and one who freely told
others about Jesus sacrifice on the cross. Yet, in his weakness and
insecurity he eventually died from an overdose, on another one of his
relapses.
Once again, I said, “Yes,”
to the Lord when He took my son. I don't know why my son was never
completely delivered from drugs and alcohol when there are so many
testimonies of people being freed instantly. Yet, I do believe that
he was saved and washed in the blood of the Lamb.
The words to an old hymn
come to mind, “Is your all on the altar of sacrifice laid? Your
heart does the Spirit control? You can only be blest, and have peace
and sweet rest, as you yield Him your body and soul.”
God's kingdom is
definitely an upside down kingdom. It feels as if we will die if we
sacrifice our kids – yet we will live! If seems as though only an
evil God would ask us to give even our children – yet He is the
only true love in the universe. To live – we must die. In death,
we find life. In sacrifice, we find Jesus, the greatest gift of all.
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